Wednesday, January 14, 2004
more standup by MC Satya
so i had some more ideas for standup bits, these are less scripted, mroe just ideas, delivery will be worked out later
college in the northeast + weather
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u know how the weather gets, right around finals?
as that final smack in the face..... after a whole semester of working and slogging away at the books, while being tortured by horrid weather, u finally catch a break with the weather during the time of year when you can least enjoy it
news = opnions
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dan rather is the ultimate hero, he allows us to be true blue americans, the laziest people on the face of the earth. proof that we are lazy? the clapper, the remote control....... for the stereo in your car!!!
why is dan rather an all-american hero? he allows americans to take their laziness to the next level, no longer requiring mental thought in forming opnions. he creates opnions for us, and feeds them to us. thanks to him, any bozo can sound like he has an educated opnion of the goings on in the world. i.e. Iraq, who even know it existed before 1990? not me... hell i was only 9 years old, i dint even know oklahoma existed.
snoring
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ever sleep in a room with someone who snores? its torture. but the weird thing is, no matter how tired you are, you cant sleep. does that make sense? i mean, ive been on car rides with over 10 hours of sleep from the night before, the stereo blazing, and ive gotten gorgeous sleep, but if someone is snoring, thats it, its over. it doesnt even have to be that loud, just the sound. so i was wondering why this happens. and ive come to this conclusion, people who snore have no rhythm. well, maybe they have a little. but the snoring has no melody or rhythm that it follows. with music, theres a very nice beat that ur body can synchronize with, and then you just pass out. but with snoring, ur body spends the entire damn night tryin to sync up with the snoring habits of ur soon to be worst enemy. so i propose, we teach people to snore rhythmically, just think about the hours of sleep we would be giving back to the world. people wud wake up happier, they would fight less often.... we might even get some sort of world peace. i think it is snoring that creates all the strife that is in the world. if people got a good nights rest, they wudnt feel the need to invade their neighbors homes/country just to get a quart of oil. and for all of you out there who are thinking "why doesnt that dufuss just use breatherite?" (MC Satya becomes visibly irritated) IT DOESNT WORK!! do you see these bags under my eyes!! IT DOESNT WORK! and the next person to suggest that is going to get the shit beaten outta them.
college in the northeast + weather
--------------------------------------------
u know how the weather gets, right around finals?
as that final smack in the face..... after a whole semester of working and slogging away at the books, while being tortured by horrid weather, u finally catch a break with the weather during the time of year when you can least enjoy it
news = opnions
---------------------
dan rather is the ultimate hero, he allows us to be true blue americans, the laziest people on the face of the earth. proof that we are lazy? the clapper, the remote control....... for the stereo in your car!!!
why is dan rather an all-american hero? he allows americans to take their laziness to the next level, no longer requiring mental thought in forming opnions. he creates opnions for us, and feeds them to us. thanks to him, any bozo can sound like he has an educated opnion of the goings on in the world. i.e. Iraq, who even know it existed before 1990? not me... hell i was only 9 years old, i dint even know oklahoma existed.
snoring
-----------
ever sleep in a room with someone who snores? its torture. but the weird thing is, no matter how tired you are, you cant sleep. does that make sense? i mean, ive been on car rides with over 10 hours of sleep from the night before, the stereo blazing, and ive gotten gorgeous sleep, but if someone is snoring, thats it, its over. it doesnt even have to be that loud, just the sound. so i was wondering why this happens. and ive come to this conclusion, people who snore have no rhythm. well, maybe they have a little. but the snoring has no melody or rhythm that it follows. with music, theres a very nice beat that ur body can synchronize with, and then you just pass out. but with snoring, ur body spends the entire damn night tryin to sync up with the snoring habits of ur soon to be worst enemy. so i propose, we teach people to snore rhythmically, just think about the hours of sleep we would be giving back to the world. people wud wake up happier, they would fight less often.... we might even get some sort of world peace. i think it is snoring that creates all the strife that is in the world. if people got a good nights rest, they wudnt feel the need to invade their neighbors homes/country just to get a quart of oil. and for all of you out there who are thinking "why doesnt that dufuss just use breatherite?" (MC Satya becomes visibly irritated) IT DOESNT WORK!! do you see these bags under my eyes!! IT DOESNT WORK! and the next person to suggest that is going to get the shit beaten outta them.
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